[He doesn't see Obi-Wan with his eyes; he looks out at a strange, quiet world instead. There's no scorching sun or whirring of traffic, not the smell of a week-long siege or the recycled air of another warship.
It isn't a bad place to be. Even without-]
Obi-Wan?
[Anakin doesn't look back over his shoulder to address him. The line of his body isn't steady, but its firm. His footing is resolved. Perhaps the answers weren't clear from the beginning, but he's learned enough now from Cal Kestis. From the things Obi-Wan says and more importantly- doesn't say. Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith lord, a Jedi betrays the Republic by trying to kill him. The Jedi are eradicated.]
[ Obi-Wan's heart plummets, then tries to lunge right out of his throat. It's the same terrifying sensation when the gravity goes out, when the side of the ship has blown and it's only the Force that will decide if they will live or die. All Anakin is doing is asking a question, and yet Obi-Wan feels his whole body react to the adrenaline of impending danger.
The question hangs in the air between them, oppressive, choking him. He swallows. ]
Tell you what, dear one?
[ He isn't trying to act ignorant, but there are a great many things that Anakin could be asking about. He doesn't not want to volunteer the wrong information. ]
[The entire world is calm and quiet around them, content to live and breathe on its own terms. Near his feet, a lone blue flower juts up from the grasses- sways gently on the breeze. You know what Anakin thinks simply, because Obi-Wan has touched lightly on many parts of their future. But he's avoided one in particular.
Anakin's face turns up not towards the stars, but towards a range of mountains stretching into the north. A dark cut out against the sky's glow.]
[ The words cut through him as clean as a light saber. Anakin could have just as easily reached under his ribs and plucked out his still-beating heart. Obi-Wan wonders if he might have preferred that to this conversation. He has to remind himself to breathe.
Anakin has done horrible, horrible things — but he cannot live with the idea he is lost. If he follows Padmé to the father of her child, then maybe... maybe...
But in his broken heart, some part of him already knows it's too late. Too late for the Anakin that raised his blade against his own family. Not this one, though. Not the man in front of him. ]
... I was trying to find you when I ended up in this place.
[It's a simple answer, maybe even a child's answer. But only a few nights ago Obi-Wan told him the identity of the Sith lord, and he's sharing a home now with two survivors of a genocide Anakin can scarcely imagine. He can't trust the Jedi, can't trust the Chancellor, can't trust himself. Perhaps he lost Obi-Wan the moment he learned just how flawed his Padawan has become. But the fault is his own. He knew what would happen if he told the truth, spoke about his dreams.]
[ The scant distance between them means Obi-Wan is looking at the dark, sweat damp curls of his hair on the back of his neck. The hint of his cheekbones in profile, long lashes cast low and hiding his eyes in the shadows of night despite the starlight above.
Watching him, he can't tell Anakin the truth: that the Dark Side has taken him, twisted him, had him do things he never could have dreamed about. Maybe because Obi-Wan isn't ready to face it himself. His intention on walking Anakin out here was to clear the boy's head; to give him some space from the nightmare of losing his lover. But Anakin's grief is so much bigger than that. Anakin's broad shoulders are heavy under the weight of his suffering, and Obi-Wan is helpless to do anything about it. His voice is quiet with the weight of confession. ]
I have failed you, Anakin. And I am... afraid.
[ How often has he admitted to a feeling like this outloud? He has always tried his best to be the stoic, still anchor for Anakin's maelstrom to whip around. Maybe that, too, is his failure. Maybe Anakin would have said something more, if Obi-Wan had showed him better his emotions were not wrong — just big. Bigger than most. ]
[He could almost see it- the grief that Obi-Wan wears like a shroud these days. It isn't so vivid and strong to be seen by any onlooker, but Anakin has been looking at him for nearly all of his life so far. He's shared the other side of their bond and known him across lightyears. Anakin can see it.
Obi-Wan's voice is quieter than he's ever heard it, and the answer is just so- simple. Anakin turns to look at him, heart wrenched with empathy because it's a fear he knows too. A blow that landed the moment Ahsoka was arrested and that has been bleeding ever since.] Oh Master. [The words are quiet in their forgiveness. Backlit by stars, Anakin closes the distance between them. His shoulders slope. It's this. Of course he could understand this.] Is that all?
[ Anakin comes close and Obi-Wan looks away. Not aversion, but some degree of embarrassment. He has known for a long time that Anakin wants something more — and once he had believed it was a stumbling block to Anakin becoming the Jedi Obi-Wan knew he could be. He's long since changed his mind about that. Anakin's capacity for love is what makes him such a great Jedi. He still does not think it's wrong, despite everything. Anakin would not be the first person to decide being a Jedi was not all that he wanted out of life, and the Jedi were no jailers. Padmé made him happy, and Anakin's happiness — he knows now — has always been important to him. More important than Qui-Gon's prophecy.
His old Master sits like a bruise in his heart, but it was nothing compared to Anakin. This attachment — and he knows that is what it is — is one he can no longer deny. We must destroy the Sith, Yoda had said. I cannot kill Anakin, he had answered and he knows if he follows Padmé to his former Padawan that nothing will change. Can he still call himself a Jedi when part of him is tangled so deeply in Anakin? Can he call himself anything, now that the Jedi are destroyed?
Obi-Wan looks down at Anakin's bare feet in the grass instead of at the empathy and understanding on his face. He doesn't need to look to know it's there — he can feel it ebb off him in waves, lapping against their unbroken bond. ]
If I had known sooner...
[ Maybe I could have protected you better. The sentiment trails off and he shakes his head, closes his eyes without looking up. ]
no subject
It isn't a bad place to be.
Even without-]
Obi-Wan?
[Anakin doesn't look back over his shoulder to address him. The line of his body isn't steady, but its firm. His footing is resolved. Perhaps the answers weren't clear from the beginning, but he's learned enough now from Cal Kestis. From the things Obi-Wan says and more importantly- doesn't say. Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith lord, a Jedi betrays the Republic by trying to kill him. The Jedi are eradicated.]
Do you ever plan to tell me?
no subject
The question hangs in the air between them, oppressive, choking him. He swallows. ]
Tell you what, dear one?
[ He isn't trying to act ignorant, but there are a great many things that
Anakin could be asking about. He doesn't not want to volunteer the wrong information. ]
no subject
Anakin's face turns up not towards the stars, but towards a range of mountains stretching into the north. A dark cut out against the sky's glow.]
About what I become.
no subject
Anakin has done horrible, horrible things — but he cannot live with the idea he is lost. If he follows Padmé to the father of her child, then maybe... maybe...
But in his broken heart, some part of him already knows it's too late. Too late for the Anakin that raised his blade against his own family. Not this one, though. Not the man in front of him. ]
... I was trying to find you when I ended up in this place.
no subject
[It's a simple answer, maybe even a child's answer. But only a few nights ago Obi-Wan told him the identity of the Sith lord, and he's sharing a home now with two survivors of a genocide Anakin can scarcely imagine. He can't trust the Jedi, can't trust the Chancellor, can't trust himself. Perhaps he lost Obi-Wan the moment he learned just how flawed his Padawan has become. But the fault is his own. He knew what would happen if he told the truth, spoke about his dreams.]
Please don't lie to me.
I see how hard it is when you look at me.
no subject
Watching him, he can't tell Anakin the truth: that the Dark Side has taken him, twisted him, had him do things he never could have dreamed about. Maybe because Obi-Wan isn't ready to face it himself. His intention on walking Anakin out here was to clear the boy's head; to give him some space from the nightmare of losing his lover. But Anakin's grief is so much bigger than that. Anakin's broad shoulders are heavy under the weight of his suffering, and Obi-Wan is helpless to do anything about it. His voice is quiet with the weight of confession. ]
I have failed you, Anakin. And I am... afraid.
[ How often has he admitted to a feeling like this outloud? He has always tried his best to be the stoic, still anchor for Anakin's maelstrom to whip around. Maybe that, too, is his failure. Maybe Anakin would have said something more, if Obi-Wan had showed him better his emotions were not wrong — just big. Bigger than most. ]
I am afraid that you have died as a result.
no subject
Obi-Wan's voice is quieter than he's ever heard it, and the answer is just so- simple. Anakin turns to look at him, heart wrenched with empathy because it's a fear he knows too. A blow that landed the moment Ahsoka was arrested and that has been bleeding ever since.] Oh Master. [The words are quiet in their forgiveness. Backlit by stars, Anakin closes the distance between them. His shoulders slope. It's this. Of course he could understand this.] Is that all?
no subject
His old Master sits like a bruise in his heart, but it was nothing compared to Anakin. This attachment — and he knows that is what it is — is one he can no longer deny. We must destroy the Sith, Yoda had said. I cannot kill Anakin, he had answered and he knows if he follows Padmé to his former Padawan that nothing will change. Can he still call himself a Jedi when part of him is tangled so deeply in Anakin? Can he call himself anything, now that the Jedi are destroyed?
Obi-Wan looks down at Anakin's bare feet in the grass instead of at the empathy and understanding on his face. He doesn't need to look to know it's there — he can feel it ebb off him in waves, lapping against their unbroken bond. ]
If I had known sooner...
[ Maybe I could have protected you better. The sentiment trails off and he shakes his head, closes his eyes without looking up. ]